i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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