the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
