Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
