Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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