Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
