my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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