I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
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Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
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Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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