remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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