What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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