You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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