I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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