i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
