The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
