i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
