im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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