You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
