Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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