i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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