I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
