I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
