I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
