Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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