you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
