you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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