Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
