I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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