Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
