i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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