her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I skipped work to stalk him.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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