Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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