Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
