I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
