I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
When are your genitals available?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
