; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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