He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
