Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
