The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
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