...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
