There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
