she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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