Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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