It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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