The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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