Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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