I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
