I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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