On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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