apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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