I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
