then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
