have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
