Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
not ubering you a puppy
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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