He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
this hospital has no fireball
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
