my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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