chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
third nipple confirmed
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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