I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
