first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
