Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
