Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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