I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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