she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
As shirtless as possible
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
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