she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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