I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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