Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
