You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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