I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
