I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Randomize
